March 2012
Best things about not having a FaceBook for the...
No semi-relevant lyrics indirectly about exboy/girlfriends littering my computer screen
I’ve only seen the term “white girl wasted” in type about 5 times in my life. I have a strong feeling that number would increase exponentially if I logged into a FaceBook daily.
One time I bumped into some girl from high school and felt so empowered that if I wanted to, I could judge her...
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Aesop Rock - Number Nine
Mud pie cruiser with an...
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I am a natural born winner.
Just made that standardized test my bitch.
No money in my checking account.
2 paychecks in my purse.
Just drove by my bank 3 times in the past 2 hours.
Didn’t feel like getting out of the car.
My laziness knows no bounds.
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This is how I imagine it.
Wife: Hi, honey. What did you do all day?
Cop: Stood at an intersection in front of a "detour" sign. Days like these remind me why I'm a cop. I'm really making a difference.
fat girl: fuck society! im beautiful. im curvy and proud.
doctor: you have type 2 diabetes
Forever hating songs with police sirens in them...
I am terrible at keeping my own secrets.
alpaca-snack:
god that new nicki minaj song. if that fucking song had a face, i would punch it.
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I’d say about 90% of the time there’s a circumcised vs uncircumcised argument on my dash.
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Yes, car in front of me. I also see that cop car.
But since the speed limit is 65, it’s a bit unnecessary to decelerate all the way down to 55.
Fuck YOU, seasonal allergies.
I’m fairly certain that I’m the most hedonistic, selfish person I’ve ever met.
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“While Rihanna‘s been letting everyone think she’s back together with Chris Brown...”
– The Superficial
mchistory asked: Why is your bio teacher fat?
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I don’t think there has been a single bio class where my professor hasn’t talked about how fat she is, why she’s fat, or that she didn’t used to be fat.
I'm never going without adderall again
This has been the most tiring, slow, confusing, hungry day.
Facebook just informed me that one of my shirts is completely see-through in the light of a camera flash.
Good thing the camera owner decided to post pictures of me basically standing around in my bra on the internet. To think, I was so close to going bra-free that night.
If there is a single one of my neighbors who...
They definitely never leave their house.
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“Now how can I make today’s class as dry as I possibly can?”
– My calc teacher this morning, to himself
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“I wonder if the carpet matches her pubes..”
– Paul Rudd is the perfect human being
If I unfollowed everyone who posted pictures of...
I would be following one girl. Possibly 2.
Tact is something I lack in.
Lab Partner: I'll go prepare the beaker since you're setting up the desk.
Me: NO! I'll do it.
Lab Partner: You must think I'm really stupid, huh?
Me: I mean…… you did get a 54% on the test……..
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Things that aren't a good idea:
Having about 6 hot peppers on a completely empty stomach.
I hate hanging out with people who spend a lot of time on the internet, cause then I can’t steal jokes I see online to pretend I’m a lot funnier than I actually am.
I wonder how many chins Adele has when she yawns.
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Avril Lavigne is giving up her title as "most...
and passing the torch on to Nicki Minaj.
Guess who just got into her first choice school...
This one right here.