March 2012
“Ever since I saw her in The Riches, I wanted to pee in her butt.”
– Tazar is a man of strange desires.
Anonymous asked: My friend went to UHart. I went there once, it is a pretty awesome part school, why would you wanna transfer?
Watchthelasturinebender:
ajisreal:
fearthenoob:
By far the most surprising thing in this video was his voice.
The hell…
what the fuck…
Kill it
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“I’ll go to war with him if I have to. They can write a ballad about us:...”
– Probably my favorite line in anything. Ever.
February 2012
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I'm about to go kick Netflix square in the dick.
Netflix: [yesterday] Ah, I see you're still watching Spartacus. Good show.
Netflix: [today] Oh, yeah. We took Spartacus off instant queue as you slept last night. Sorry about that whole "only having 2 episodes left" thing. How about you watch Glee instead?
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I'm about to go kick University of Hartford square...
UHart: [Feb 9th] Yeah Laura! We'll totally send out those transcripts for you. We understand how important it is and we appreciate your gross overpayment on our ridiculous rush fee.
UHart: [10 days later] Oh, really? We didn't tell you? I thought we told you! We never sent out your transcripts. You owe us money. Pay us money and we'll send out your transcripts.
Me: I don't owe you money.
UHart: [10 minutes later] CORRECT! You do not owe us money! Wanna know what your prize is?
Me: Transcripts?
UHart: TRANSCRIPTS! You got it, Laura! Good Job!
UHart: [Feb 22] Guess what we did today, Laura!
Me: Transcripts?
UHart: TRANSCRIPTS!
Other colleges: [Today] Hey Laura, our application deadline is tomorrow and I am just not seeing your UHart transcript anywhere. Sorry, but your application is not complete without it.
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“I know there’s some brains living above those beautiful tits of yours.”
– Compliment of the century
The only time my neighbor has ever used a chain saw for over 2 hours is today, right now, as I’m trying to study for a calculus test.
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That moment when you spend all day baking a smorgasbord of treats for the 3 professors who wrote you recommendations, and before you can give the third professor her platter, your dad eats it.
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“We have to be very careful with this, considering our past addictions to glue...”
– Sweet Dee
If I had more emotions, I would totes have a nice frustration cry right now. Instead, I’m probably going to lose it and kill like 5 people in about a week.
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Reph: I like your necklace.
Me: Oh! I thought you were staring at my boobs!
Reph: Yeah… I was.
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stalkallthe asked: Imma slam bang dat humdinger hooch wif mai slippery slag
“You calling me a man gives me a boner.”
– My friends are easy to please.
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I love baking day.
Dad: blah blah blah I'm super annoying and I'm going to either continuously talk about things I probably know NO ONE cares about or I'll yell at you for completely minute, irrelevant wrongdoings.
Me: I swear to god dad if you don't shut your mouth right now you're not getting any treats later.
Dad:
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I don't fit in at the office.
Office lady 1: My 4 year anniversary is coming up. My husband and I are (insert some anniversary activity here. I didn't care so I didn't listen/remember.)
Office lady 2: I love anniversaries! I can't believe I've been married for 11 years..
Me: One time I dated someone for like 5 months….
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WatchYessssssssssss
My mom just left to go to the wake of a man named...
I know it’s probably impolite to laugh about a guy’s name in the midst of his wake…. but… come on….
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I love fridays because tumblr is always loaded with Parks and Rec gifs.
razkazz:
The devil and god are raging inside of my butt
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Warning:
Taking off your pants while sitting on the edge of your bed in the dark may lead to falling off head/neck first, and crashing into what could possibly be plastic hangers and the heel of a shoe from 5 days ago you haven’t gotten around to putting away yet.
Nothing thrills me quite like being transferred 5 times in one 2 minute phone call.
You learn something new every day
Man I've never met: Those things kill you, you know.
Me: OH MY GOD ARE YOU SERIOUS? *throws down cigarette and watches man feel stupid and awkward*
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My calculus teacher has this crazy accent that makes “factor” sound exactly like “fucked her” every time.
So appropriate.
Dad: You been down here farting?
Me: No that was the dog.
Me: And me.
Me: Just not the dog, though.
It's not that I don't like cats...
It’s just that I accelerate when they’re in the road.
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